New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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