I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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