Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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