So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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