i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
