the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
