I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
