I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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