I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
