It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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