Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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