smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I love you.
Bad choice
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
