Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
