I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
