In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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