i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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