i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
