somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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