I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
