he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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