Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
