I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize