her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
