i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
