OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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