a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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