We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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