he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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