i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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