Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
