He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
