Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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