my mouth tastes like poor choices
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
