CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize