Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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