if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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