I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Randomize
