Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
