I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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