apparently the secret to your success is patron
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
