My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
