I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
