FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
