we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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