are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
