My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I cannot find my penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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