when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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