Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
