Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
