The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
