I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
