Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will pee on everything he values.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize