i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
only you would photoshop your dick
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
