I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
