dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
