i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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