if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
