i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
