respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
