please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
