3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
