I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
