Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
