i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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