:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
