Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
