so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
