oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
