ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
