You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
