I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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