It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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