God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
